come round again.

its coming round again,
that feeling of being lonely in the crowd.

this has been a horrible week for me.
and starting from friday,
i walked around with such a fragile spirit that if really...
if i let any single comment get to me,
i would just break down crying.

i don't know what's wrong,
or rather,
i don't know why everything's going wrong.

i was trying my damnest to worship today,
and praise God for who he is,
and all i could think was:
don't cry. don't cry. don't cry.

God, what is wrong with me?

maybe its the emotional toll that i'm paying after such a long time.
i can only take so much before reaching a breaking point.
i can only take so much playful-hovering-on-hurtful jibes at me.
i can only take so much verbal abuse.
i can only take so much selfishness.
i can only take so much ignorance.
i can only take so much immaturity.
i don't know how i should react to certain things now,
i don't know what to do when i don't have the energy to explain how i feel,
i don't know how to tell people to care for me when i need them to.

does he make me feel better?
does he?

sometimes it seems that when you need people the most,
everyone is busy.

and i feel like distancing myself away.
but its not in me to do so.

i don't have the energy to do anything worthwhile.
can i just flunk my a's and get kicked out?

God god god god god god god god.
i don't know how to handle life now.