everyone tells me to pray.

pray pray pray.
the 4-lettered advice that is the easiest to give,
yet the hardest to execute.
its not really how to pray,
who to pray to,
when to pray;
the problem lies in the fact that
we're too simple-minded to look at the big picture
and wait for prayers to be answered.

at least that's what bothers me.
i can pray and pray and pray,
but how do i know if what i pray is what i should really pray for,
what i really wanted to ask for,
what i should have already known?

god, i can pray for you to enlarge my tent,
but my humanness hinders me
because i can't see the near future in which you will,
because my eyes have been influenced to look only at the present
despite my heart and soul living in eternity.

god god god,
how and when will you answer my pray?
i'm too caught up with the going-ons of everyday to notice whe you leave little subtle signs around the place for me god.
i wish you could make it explode in the air like fireworks,
written on the space of the sky
what your will for me is.

god god god,
why am i cast in a situation as this?
i believe its because you're testing me again god,
putting me back into a situation much like what i went through at the end of sec4 year, going into jc1.
this time i really really must make the right choice god
because it determines more than the next 2 years of my life.

god.
where have i lost you to?
sometimes my own world is so easily entered into,
and i have to at time force myself out.
let me see things in the light god,
that my every single hidden action, unsaid thought,
unconscious musings...it all means something god,
it all means something to you.

i want to embrace your word like never before,
to thrist for knowledge that i know you will willingly give,
but my body is weak, as is my mind,
and i continually allow laziness and other material things get into my way.
is that why i find it so hard to see your plan for me god?
because i have not kept you in clear sight,
your plan gets as hazy as you are?

if it were so,
i will let it not be so.

just help me god,
as you would an infant who knows nothing better.
just help me,
to crawl back to you,
to save the wounded on the way,
to mend the brokenness scattered in this kingdom of death,
to touch the glory of the future you have planned out for me.

your ways are mysterious god,
but i will choose to abide.