sometimes.

sometimes i wonder if i'm doing the right thing,
as a shepherd, as a friend, as a peer.

my sheep doesn't really want to go for cg,
because she wants to go to the beach,
so instead of insisting that she comes down,
i merely sms her, saying
hmmm..i believe that your mature enough to make the better choice, so think through it and sms me again alright?

is that what i should have done?
but i see no sense in telling her once again about the value of cg,
because she knows it already.
i see no point in forcing her to come down,
because what use if she comes down with an unwilling spirit,
and not learn anything?

God, in recent times,
i've realised how easy it is to be a leader
who commands, who just get things done,
who just aims towards goals and discard feelings on the way.
and i've realised how hard it is to be a leader,
once you start to care. :|

i realised that i don't want to get things done,
simply because i've asked them to do so,
because its something i've told them to do.
i want to move the KOG forward,
with love and a gentle spirit,
like Jesus.

but its so hard God,
sometimes i just want to blow my top,
or give a black face to illustrate my annoyance with null.

its so easy to build a temporal kingdom,
where people are excited,
but lose steam after a while;
and so much more trying,
to build a kingdom,
where people are actually serious about the conviction we share.

i think that you're really working with e cj group,
and i thank you, for infusing in matthew the importace of unity,
which is what i believe a group should be formed on as well.
and since we share this same belief,
i know you're going to make things work.
so please, let the blessings start pouring down now.