jonah 2 Msg

worshipped: here i am to worship

today i want to pray that i use my spiritual giftings wisely.
i've been given so much,
yet i use so little.

i want to pray that i learn to love my sheep more,
because being problematic is NOT LOVABLE,
so i need more love to love them more.
God, you know how hard i find it to express myself at times in actions,
yet i pray that you guide me to find ways to bless them and touch them in ways that will move their hearts.
i'm only good at expressing myself through words,
but they don't receive love that way.

_________________about jonah.
i'm wondering..
did jonah only pray out of desperate-ness?
did he only answer, yes i have a God who could have caused this storm because he was asked to?
so if he were really like that,
what is it that i can learn from him?
what is it that he has done,
to remain forever and ever in the bible?

and then i wonder,
have i ever run away form God's plan for me?
how has God used my ineptness for the kingdom?
many many times,
i make so many stupid stupid mistakes,
yet God still continues to trust me with his flock.
i feel so scared sometimes,
when someone under me isn't doing well,
and i keep wondering,
will she backslide?
God, are such thoughts rebellious to your nature of grace and hope?
hope. such a calm word of power.
encompassing everything anyone could possibly ever want.
hope.
i want to hope for a better future in christ.
i want to hope for a better me in christ.
is this what God saw in jonah?
the hope of a man who could do great things for God?

God, why do you play with such high stakes?
why do you engage in deadly games where the stakes are against you?
you gave us free will,
knowing full well we'll rebel,
and at the same time,
entrusted everything under the earth to us,
knowing full well we'll destroy it.
yet you still did it anyway,
with the hope that we wouldn't.
WOW.
like a dad spoiling the child
with candy he knows will spoil the child's appetite
but giving in because the child wants it so much...
you hurt yourself
and you bring negative consequences unto yourself
just to give us what we would want?
WOW.
WOW.
WOW.
i feel as though i'm rambling,
which i probably am,
but no matter.
God's love is so awesome.
i really should get that more often.

and NOTE TO SELF,
get doubts answered by someone,
anyone!