jonah 1 NIV

i feel burdened by the fact that i've been blessed so much God,
that i have many talents, yet i don't know what to choose to use.
i don't want to do something that someone else can do,
but yet, sometimes i wonder if that IS your plan for me.
but if it were to be, why all the skills that show that i can be useful in a specialised ministry as well?

God, you asked me about my flock.
what about them?
i fear jeslyn's slow removal of herself from the church,
and i feel so powerless because i know i can only pray.
i fear that xiuhui will have continual spiritual dryness relapses in the new year,
and i feel powerless, because she's too stubborn to listen.
so i pray once again.
prayer is powerful right?
the camp experience was testimont of that.

God, i want to pray that i will go where you lead me.
please, it may seem of little faith, but SHOW ME SIGNS as to where i should go,
or rather, OPEN MY EYES. :|

am i like jonah, who, upon hearing his holy quest, ran off to get swallowed by a big fish?
do i run away, only to be caught in my own defiance, and eventually caught and tossed back to God?

i know what i want to do, one thing that i know i want to do:
i want to write stories, screenplays, whatever, words that can move people and shake them to tears, bring them to their knees in realisation of God's awesomeness.
i want to bring myself onto my knees, but pride keeps getting in my way. :(

so lets say i'm jonah, and i escape from god.
i pray GOD GIVE ME THE COURAGE TO STAND UP AND SACRIFICE MYSELF TO CALM THE STORM.

i wonder why he offerred to actually.
wasn't he the cowardly one that ran away?

God, show me my plan a little at a time, so that it would freak me out as it did jonah because i really don't fancy being swallowed by a fish. :)