thanksgiving for wed(1/2)

thank god for many things:
- the bus auntie that waited for me to run across the road
- joyce for going to SA with me
- jinqi for introducing the trial job to me
- xinyi, qianjin & ben who will be going with me tomorrow to the unknown place. HAHA
- mom for driving me down to bugis
- xinyi for accompanying me on such short notice
- jiayi for being so concerned for me
- dinner with bliss, jas, yeok & weed :)
- teaching me a lesson in heart motives

which is why today god,
i repent.
i understand now that the people i asked in the past who did not have the resources to help me make my decision were simply asked by me because i wanted to feel like i was needed somewhere, that people wanted me to join them.
i am wrong in that enquiring god,
i'm so sorry.
now, the people i ask shall only be those who are able to give me the information i need to more clearly see where God you will lead me to.
no more asking people to help me choose,
i will do it with you God,
forgive me for not seeing that you are always there to help me make the right decision.
i shall go not where i will be the most comfortable,
not where i will be the most at ease,
but where i can extend the kingdom the most,
stretch myself to the limits i have imposed upon myself.
i will go, where you want me to go.

so now,
do i make the final decision on what i've asked and inquired,
drawing from the experiences of others and what moves my heart;
or what my leaders deem the best for me?

i feel that it is the former,
not just because of people,
but because of passion,
desire to serve and to grow.

or is it possible that i'm running away,
as daniel had mentioned that i might be doing?
more evaluation in turn i guess.