caught.

found my dad in my room at about 7.20am, going through my stuff, looking for evidence of me NOT doing my work or running around doing churchy stuff.

it hurts to see how little he trusts me.
it hurts to see him snooping around like a petty thief.
and i hate him for that.

God told me to forgive, but i can't.
i'm trying to, but i can't.
i really want to, but i can't.
and dang, i'm crying again.

God, the only times i really cry when i'm with you God.
because the most hurting times are when i'm at home God.

how can he do such a thing?
how can he sneak in when i'm asleep and look through my stuff?
I HATE HIM FOR DOING THAT,
FOR THINKING HE"S SO GREAT WHEN HE"S SO DAMN FULL OF FLAWS JUST LIKE ME, WHEN HE'S SO UNREASONABLE AT TIMES.
FOR NEVER BEING HAPPY WITH WHAT I AM, FOR WANTING ME TO BE A GRADES-PRODUCING MACHINE INSTEAD OF A DAUGHTER,
FOR NOT EVEN TRYING TO UNDERSTAND EVEN WHEN HE SAYS HE DOES BECAUSE HE DOESN'T AND ALL HE WANTS IS TO EXERT IS OWN IDEAS UNTO MINE FOR NOT GIVING ME THE SPACE TO BE MYSELF FOR WANTING ME TO FOLLOW WHAT HE THINKS WHAT HE WANTS.

IHATE HIM SO MUCH.
GOD, PLEASE, TAKE ME AWAY FROM THIS HOUSE.