please, let me know why.

i understand persecutions,
and though i haven't been through what i would call the worst of persecutions,
but i have been through my own fair share.

i've experienced being slapped in the face.
i've known the agony of getting my handphone cut off,
and not being to contact ANYONE.
thank god for people in church who are in the same school as me.
i've known what it feels like to have my privacy rudely invaded upon.
i've known the hurt of distrust.
i've went through the loneliness of crying in my room,
and waking up to find my pillow wet and my eyes puffy.
i've been thrown out
or locked out of the house before.
i know the pain of seeing sheep fall away.
i know the immense shock and subsequent numbness when a close friend backslides.
i know the feeling of being ostracized by one's own family.
i've been accused of things simply because of my faith.
i know what it means to have very nearly lost my life...

god, i know so much,
yet i still know so little.
i've been through so much,
yet it pales in comparison to many others.

i plead with you,
please please please please please,
let me understand my parents, and they me.
help me love them
please please please please
because i can't find it in me at all.
please please please please.

i want to scream and ask why they just CANT UNDERSTAND,
yet i know they'll deny it and justify themselves till the end.
they say they understand, that they don't think my studies are everything...
but what they say, what they do...
prove otherwise.
why why why why
the overwhelming concern for grades? for achievements?
why why why
in their eyes i can only do wrong?

it hurts so so so much god
to see my father spit the words out in my face
that he'll never ever ever ever trust me again
to see him go through my stuff like i'm some dog without dignity
to hear the smirk in his voice when he asks me what i've been doing
if i've been giving my money to the church.

i just want to run away sometimes,
but i know it doesn't solve anything.
i don't want to die,
but i really just want things to change.

please please please god
SAVE ME.