the plastic queen.

just had a good long talk with shuyi and daniel concerning some church matters, and i'm thankful i have leaders who are so open with their opinions and views. :)

anyway,
on being affirmed that i didn't 'fake' my way despite knowing the system, made me think back on how some people really know how to appear so perfect in church.

they say the right things,
explain the right way,
give the right answer,
act the right time,
and basically,
know how to be the PERFECT christian.

christians aren't meant to be perfect, really.
otherwise, why would a SAVIOUR be sent down for us?
therefore, i think that its alright to show that you can't hold it all together once in a while,
to show that you still struggle with temptations & difficulties no matter how stupid or insignificant they may be,
and that you have your bad spirited days too.

why appear to be a spiritual barbie all the time,
when you desperately need fixing inside?
even the pastors admit to less-than-perfect days.

though selfish i may be to unload my sorrows unto my shepherd,
at least,
i believe i'm entitled to do that,
because after all,
i am only human,
and i can only take so much.

so if you want to be perfect,
take that halo of yours,
and go start worshipping yourself.

and i wonder,
how much do i know about myself?
how much does anyone know about themelves really?
when do i know i am just about to reach my breaking point,
when do i realise i'm drying up spiritual-wise,
and when have i crossed the line?
i guess its always shaded in grey,
this area best left to lurk in the shadows.

in the meantime,
i'll just try to do what i can,
to make the world around me,
no matter how little,
a happier place. :)

i love you,
and you know who you are.