wallpapered.

sighs.
i want to know when i can understand my parents,
when they an understand me,
when i can actually feel a little love for them.

i wish i could talk to my shepherd about this,
so i did. tried to.
smsed her without my usual flowery sentences.
told her,
"my parents are going to kill me."
got back:
"God will go thru it with u. Let his peace guard ur heart."

sometimes, in life,
you don't need to be reminded that god is there.
sometimes, in life,
you don't want to hear a verse that is given in an attempt to make you feel better.
sometimes in life,
you know that you know
what you need to know,
and all you want is
someone to hug and sit by you silently while you cry.
all i want is that,
not spiritual comfortings,
not prayers of peace.
i know god is here with me,
but he gave me friends for a reason too.

so while i wait for someone to come break my resolve,
i'll sit here in my room,
alone.

___ecp yesterday.
the games went horribly well,
the bbq wasn't that bad,
and everything went generally well.
felt the lightest i had felt in weeks,
and boy was i grateful.
amazing what one sms can undo.
thank god they flagged a cab for me,
possibly risking their lives,
thank god they appreciated what we had done,
even though it didn't turn out well.
thank god they were having fun talking in the taxi,
and not notice me crying silently.
thank god for my little brother who opened the door for me,
and thank god for all the little things in life.