faces.

i suddenly started wondering about the people i see in church,
and started thinking if there's anyone i haven't seen lately,
because its sad when you stop seeing a familiar face.

i realised i haven't been seeing someone around,
who i used to be quite close to.
she backslided, and came back again,
must to my joy,
but she had to leave again,
much to my immense sadness.

God, why are we so emotional?
why do we give up so easily?
why can't some of us just put up a better fight?

how do people say that they'll never leave you,
and the next, they do?
how can they forget your goodness
and all the things that you've done for them?

but i know i can understand why,
because i've been to that very same edge God,
and peered into the flowing river,
that seems so picture perfect from where i stand,
yet i know its only a rushing river waiting to wash me away.

sometimes, i get really grateful for faces that i find so familar,
and rejoice when strange faces become a constant thing.

sometimes i hate myself for letting my friends slip away.
i didn't just let one or even two fall away,
but more than i want to remember.
God, will they come back to you?
i heard that its so much harder to accept God a second time.

i miss talking to you and you.
i miss laughing with you.
i miss being introduced to new places by you.
i miss being silly with you.
i miss you, and wonder how you're doing now.
i wonder how you, you and you are doing now.
and how have you been?

i thank God that you, you and you are still around.
and that i have you and you.

why do i only understand the treasure that is friend,
only after it has been cruelly snatched from my grasp?

God, how do i feel towards them?
compassion for their once-again lost state?
pity for their disillusionment?
sadness that they've left you?
anger for breaking our covenant?

sometimes i wonder why my wounds don't heal,
but i've realised that its because i'm refusing to let God heal them.
instead, i'm actually injuring myself over and over again,
and the wound persists.
God, let me be willing to be healed by you.