chosen.

“Anticipation, I suppose, sometimes exceeds realization.”
-amelia earhart, she-who-disappeared.

alright, i'm done with my decision.
i shall stay till its time to go,
and go to where i'm needed.
i shall serve as long as i can,
and as long as i can be of service,
i will give my best - i hope.

there are some things i never want to find myself doing.
like lying to my kids, if i have any, for example.
i will never tell them that if they don't eat their veggies,
the veggie king will come and punish them.
i will treat them with respect,
and understanding.
more than what i can say for myself.

i will let go,
even though it is so hard to do so.
even when you make it so hard to do so,
but i will.
i must, if i ever want to move on.

i will discipline myself,
heavens know how,
but i'll try,
i'll work harder.

i'll depend more on god,
because i have to,
especially with my future as uncertain as it is,
like a fog covers it,
and allows me only a glimspe at a time.

i'll be more loving.
i want to,
if i want to help others,
to help others understand,
how much i'm loved.

what won't i want to do?
i won't want to turn my back on my friends,
those who count on me,
those who look up to me,
those who need me to be there for them when they break down.
yet i scare myself,
when i think of the times i wish i could just turn my back on everyone,
and be selfish,
because when i'm alone,
it hurts the least.
pain comes form dealing with people,
but how can i stand myself if i don't?

i realise now,
how immature we all still are.
myself, of course,
still indulge in such petty things.
in my daydreams,
in my laputa,
where i build amazingly solid castles
where a prince i know
reaches out to take me there.

i realise,
how much of a dreamer i am,
how my outer self contradicts my inner self,
in which i do what i know what i have to do,
yet at times, i don't quite feel like doing it.
and at times,
i do what i shouldn't do,
even though i know i shouldn't do it.
and its those times,
that make me ashamed to be myself,
for being illustrious,
and thinking i can handle it all by myself.

i am weak.
you make me strong.

_{and at times,
i wonder why.
must you be who you are?
must you treat people in the way that you do?
must you be yourself?
how different it would be,
if you were someone else,
acted like anyone but yourself.
how different would things be then,
or would everything still be the same?}

thinker.
dreamer.
speaker.
for what's the use of thinking,
without doing anything about it?
i have my dreams,
you have yours,
but i really hope that mine come true.

that's me.
and you're you.
thank you.