runaway.

i wish i could runaway.
its ME isn't it?
i could disappear and you wouldn't even know.
who am i really?
if i could answer that for myself,
i probably would.
but i can't.

i hate always having to be the logical one,
the one that always helps,
but can never find help.
i hate always being the one who needs to tell people to wake up,
because i always end up being abused.
i hate it that people think i'm always so bright and preppy,
because i'm not like that all the time.

dammit.
i feel like crying after this.

IF YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH ME,
DO ME A FAVOUR,
DON'T JUST TALK ABOUT IT BEHIND MY BACK,
COME AND TALK TO ME DAMMIT!

i hate this really.
i hate being the one who's never here nor there,
who seems to know everyone but yet knows no one.
i'm drifting like crazy,
and i hate it.

i wish i could forgive.
but i can't.
i can't.
i can't.

god, please.
either take me away,
or help me.

hate is so grosteque god,
its so dark,
so overwhelming.
i hate hating,
yet i do.

i don't want all these anymore.
i don't want to be responsible for people,
because i can't even take care of myself.
i don't want to have expectations heaped upon me,
i don't want to do anything anymore.
but if i did that,
i would just die.

who am i?
what am i?
who have i become?
i really really hate myself right now.
i'm so sorry.

you, you, you and you don't know me.
you don't seem to want me in your life anymore.
you are too far away.
you don't need me.
you, you barely know me.
you and me are just surface and nothing else.
i am no one to you.

its times like this that makes you feel suicidal,
because you realise no one really needs you.
and you don't want to be selfish,
but you just are.

dammit god.
i hate always having to make the RIGHT decision,
because it makes me feel so inadequete.