everything's changing.

why do we all think that the world centers around us?
that our problems are always bigger compared to others,
that no one understands how we feel?

why do we always think that there's no one willing to listen, yet we don't find those who can?
that we cannot get along because we cannot get along,
that everyone else just doesn't understand?

why do we always victimise ourselves and discard the glorious life waiting for us?

i don't get it.
WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY.
i'm getting angrier by the day,
more questioning,
less forgiving,
waiting to point a finger
at YOU, YOU THE SINNER.

why are we all so carnally selfish?
why do we always deny our wrongs and try to prove ourselves right?
isn't it better to admit the deed so that it is done and over with?

i don't understand so many things.
i don't understand why this group is united so shallowly.
have we forgotten what happened to us during camp?
why aren't we making more of an effort?
why are we forming cliques within ourselves?

i talk to you about it,
and you point the finger back at me.
its no finger-pointing game,
its a PROBLEM THAT NEEDS TO BE RECTIFIED.
how can i do it alone
when half of the problem is yours as well?
i'm willing, are you?
i'm waiting, when will you be free?

i'm going to take a stand in this matter.
challenge them, encourage them to take up the calling.
is money really everything?
since when has god not provided?
since when will he not?
ask, and you will receive.
have you even tried asking?

God, give me a time, a place, an hour or so
to challenge them,
to tell them the disease that is eating us all from the inside out.
i want to challenge them,
to tell them to THINK before accepting a job,
to CONSIDER THE CONSEQUENCES before the money to be earned blinds them.
how willing are people really,
to give up their souls for cash?

let me set a good example, PLEASE.
let me walk in your ways,
let me always inquire about where i am to go.
let it not be my will, but yours be done.
let me save the group from becoming a money-making machine.
please.
i'm not spiritual,
i keep straying from your ways.
i'm not the least bit holy,
i'm an ashamed sinner,
but can't do anything but continue to sin.
i'm not even a good example,
i fail to repent because its so hard to stick to it
and i get so easily distracted.
but please god please.

this caregroup that you've placed me in is so very special.
it has such great potential to blossom and grow into the tallest tree in the forest.
everyone of us has such an untapped obedience to follow you.
i believe this caregroup will be the one to produce great walkers of faith for you.
please, let me trust in you
and never the circumstance.
i'm so desperate for it now,
i could just start crying.
god please please please.
use me, fill me, come upon me with your fire and holy spirit,
enable me to speak words of power and awe,
to just strike in the hearts that have forgotten you.