thanksgiving on thurs (12/1), jonah 3 zondervan

thanksgiving for thurs:
- that i failed my BTT, because i can take it again with friend(s).
- exercise while i work
- prospects of another job on the horizon if the nus one were to really stop by jan
- able to work with sheerah today, hope that i can get to know her and the others better over the next week or so
- xinyi for going to ikea with me
- finding the wire mesh thing
- ash for wanting to cheer me up with cookies
- shuyi for collecting the shoes for me
- mom for buying lagsana for me
- ben for getting me my bday present when i don't even remember when his bday is :| and which i'm sure he'll remind me of once he reads this as i know he will
- dad for giving me an umbrella, though its kinda broken and ugly
- god for the rain, because its lovely cool!
- for my job once again, because my parents are actually sufficiently pleased with me
- for the part in 'mere christianity' that really spoke to me today about repentance

there always is a silver lining behind every cloud isn't there?

today started off all wrong,
with me failing my BTT,
getting on an MRT that terminated at the NEXT stop,
a faulty umbrella,
and people blowing cigaratte smoke into my face,
but in the end,
everything really works out fine.

pettiness makes everything all the worse,
while gratefulness makes everything seem brighter.

today, i want to pray for my family.
it seems really,
that no one, not me nor my brothers,
will ever live up to my parent's expectations of us God.
they want so much,
yet we, being blessed with too much,
can only produce so little.
we appear so whole,
yet we're so broken.
broken relationships where a dad isn't really a dad,
where a mom isn't really the mom
where everyone speaks for themselves,
thinks for themselves,
acts for themselves
and cares about their friends more than family.
i am ashamed that that is true.
i am so far from being the perfect daughter
because i flare up once what i believe in is trodden upon,
but God, won't you just use me
to show how much i have matured in you,
how much i've grown?
and i pray that i will release this deep-most hate i harbour against my older brother for trying to act like some conscience when he is so blind to his own faults.
no mercy in him for me,
no compassion.
i detest him being my brother,
what happened to our sibling bond as it were in the past?
let me forgive him God,
for the things he has wronged me.
my little brother,
irritating, full of self-love, immature.
objectively i must say.
when will i learn to teach him to be a better child, a better person, more christ-like?
how i wish he would stop wanting to flutter around like a naive butterfly.
my parents god, my parents.
let me love them, honour them,
exhalt them in your name.
i seek to love and understand them,
and they me.
please, i give my family into your hands.

.......................................................about JONAH
it talks abot superficial repentence today.
so fitting God!
just what i read in 'mere christianity' today.
no coincidences,
just lessons to be learnt. :)
they believed in you because they feared you,
not because they trust in you or yearn to see your face - a shallow faith birthed out of mere fear of wanting to save one's own hides.
let this never be me.
God, let me repent because i want to become a person bigger than myself, a person others will look to and see christ, a person who can't believe how far God has brought her.

sometimes i still don't get how you can forgive those who sin against you so much,
but i won't question anymore,
because you are the fair judge,
the one who sets the moral standard and the laws in man's hearts.
i will try to live my best,
though there will be many times that i fail.
but i will try,
so that i won't be too afraid when i stand before you to be judges.
scary, but i'm waiting,
because i can't wait to see you. :)

i think what shirley taught about in the last clm really helps.
"don't say that this will be the last time, say that THAT was the last time."

i can't wait to get full days to myself again god!
i want to try my hand at designing slogans and goodness knows what else!
and through all this,
show me if this is the path i should take.
thank you. :)