i just want to be.

let me be more faithful please God.
i just want to be more faithful.
with everything.
with qt, shepherding, my studies, my own life, my consistancy...
EVERYTHING.

i'll feel like i'm leading a double life if i hide my unfaithfulness from the rest of the world.

reading psalm,
and there's all the woe and unexplainable sadness that comes when God 'rejected' the people.
i'm afraid i can't understand.
i can't identify.
because God hasn't rejected me before.

God, i think that i've been taking you for granted too much.
show me what it's like to be without you God,
to have your face hidden from me.

let me appreciate the goodness of everything once again.