shhh.

i don't have a best friend.
i never believed in best friends.
as a christian, am i supposed to believe in one?
or am i just being cynical and cautious so that i won't get hurt again?

i really don't know.

God, what are best friends exactly?
what do they do?
are they supposed to never have any secrets from each other?
are they supposed to talk almost every other day together?
or what?

i know that when i'm close to someone,
i can not talk to that person for long periods of time,
yet when i next see the person,
there's no need for the ice to melt between us,
we just carry on as before.
even then, is she my best friend?
i really don't think so.

so God, help me find out what i need,
not what i feel, or what i perceive.
if i need someone to depend on,
let me fall and crash and burn,
so that she may come and pick me up.
and in the meantime,
i don't dare to meet her eyes,
for fear that she'll look away one day.

or maybe best friends are overrated.
maybe all i need is God.
in that case, why did God create friends for?
we were created to be social creatures, weren't we?

and that brings us back to square one once again.